Death & Mourning

Grief is heavy—you don’t have to carry it alone.

There is a reason our tradition teaches that we need a minyan–a community–in order to say the mourner’s Kaddish. Mourning is holy work, and it is work best done with others. At Baltimore Hebrew Congregation, we are here for one another.

We hope that this page will help guide you through the essentials of death and mourning.

Practical steps to funeral planning

Whether the death of a loved one is unexpected or a comes after a long lifetime, knowing what to do when loss occurs can help ease the process.

Three Steps to a Smooth Transition

1. Contact a funeral home
A funeral home will look after the deceased and arrange for transportation between the funeral and cemetery on your behalf. Funeral homes can also assist you in facilitating traditional Jewish guardianship of your loved one until the funeral. BHC works with a number of local funeral homes and will be happy to talk any questions through with you and your family.

If you're not sure which funeral home to contact, we suggest Sol Levinson. You can click on this link for further information from their website.

2. Call BHC
After contacting the funeral home, place a call to the BHC office to let us know about your recent loss. Our knowledgeable staff will work with you to answer any questions you have relating to logistics and schedule an in-person meeting with a clergy member to discuss your desired funeral plans.

The BHC main office can be reached at (410) 764-1587.

3. Prepare for your intake meeting with a clergy member
We invite you and your family to speak with a member of our clergy team who will help you navigate the funeral and shiva processes. In this meeting, you should be prepared to share about the life of the deceased. Stories and memories will help the clergy to prepare a meaningful eulogy. If you would like to participate in the funeral service, this will be an opportunity to discuss your ideas.

What are the stages of Jewish mourning?

Funeral & Burial

Our tradition teaches that both body and soul are sacred. A funeral offers a chance to pray and reflect in sacred community. Many Jewish funerals consist of two parts: the service and the graveside burial. Selections of liturgy and comforting psalms accompany a eulogy during the service. Family members and friends sometimes choose to share readings, songs, or stories as part of the ceremony.

At the conclusion of the service, the casket is escorted to the cemetery where Kaddish is recited in community, and those in attendance may choose to ceremonially sprinkle soil onto the casket because the burden of loss is shared among friends and family.

Shiva

Shiva means seven in Hebrew and refers to the immediate period of time following the funeral.

Many choose to welcome guests into their home for meals and a short service which includes the recitation of the Mourner's Kaddish. Guests are sometimes encouraged to provide words or acts of support in order that the family never feels alone. If you choose to include a short prayer service, you will never need to lead it on your own. Jews who observe the shiva period may choose to welcome guests anywhere between one and seven nights, excluding Shabbat. Most in our community choose observe a shiva minyan between one and three days.

K'riah

K’riah refers to the tearing of garments or a ribbon, which we may choose to wear during the funeral and throughout the Shiva period. Like a broken heart, torn fabric may be stitched up, but it will always retain a seam.

At BHC, a clergy member will provide you and your family with ribbons and walk you through the steps of k’riah before the funeral.

Sh'loshim

Mourning is difficult without a timeline; the Jewish tradition breaks up the first year following a death into smaller, attainable pieces. Following the period of shiva, we begin to reintroduce ourselves into regular life. Sh’loshim means 30 in Hebrew and refers to the first month following a death. Things may be still feel raw, but our community and clergy will continue to support you as needed. Many choose to attend services throughout sh'loshim or through the entire first year following a loss in order to recite the Mourner's Kaddish in community.

Unveiling

After a year has passed, life feels more normal. It is traditional to mark the occasion with a small ceremony. If you choose, a clergy member may lead a small gathering in the cemetery where the headstone is ceremonially unveiled for those in attendance to view. Some recite psalms and many choose to leave stones on the headstone, the traditional gesture of honoring the deceased in a Jewish cemetery. Many also host their guests for a meal afterwards.

Yahrzeit

The anniversary of a death of a loved one is a sacred occasion. The name of our deceased members are added to a Kaddish list which is read publicly at services. You are invited to attend a service during the week of the anniversary of the death of your loved one so your community can provide you with comfort. Even though the traditional period of mourning has ended, our memories go on in perpetuity.

Our Cemeteries

Baltimore Hebrew Congregation has a historic cemetery in Baltimore City and a premier cemetery located in Reisterstown (Baltimore County). Cemetery plots are available for sale to members of Baltimore Hebrew Congregation and to the community.

For more information on our cemeteries and how to purchase plots, please follow this link to our cemeteries web page.

Jo Ann Windman, jwindman@baltimorehebrew.org Cemetery Coordinator